the ponderings of a mother

These are the ponderings of a mother in love with her children, both in my arms and in the grave. Some of these ponderings are quite emotional, some are funny, others contemplative and spiritual. All are sincere. May these writings bless you in many ways and bring you closer to the one, true God and Redeemer of all things.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

When I was a queen

The gown was open down my back. I was numb from my waist down.  I was sitting in blood. My body was at its weakest for sure. There were probably 7 machines around me with lights and noises, a few tubes protruding from here and there. A catheter.  My hair was in loose, ratty braids.  No make-up.  My socks smelled and I had been awake for 20 hours with no food other than clear liquids. 
When I held my son I everything changed around me. My gown was mantle of honor laid upon me.  My body, though weak and numb, was both a womb and a tomb…ushering in new life…twice! The blood reminded me of the cost of loving another. The machines showed the difficult path I had taken to receive such joy.  My hair shown of brilliance and beauty; when I braided it that morning I had thought of Jonan, only a child, and I wanted to welcome him with a childlike heart. My paint-less face was a reminder of the purity of that which I held in my arms.  My hunger was filled with love.  And I was a queen.

1 comment:

  1. You are still a queen. The Lord has crowned you with honor. You are regal. Cherish this precious knowledge.