the ponderings of a mother

These are the ponderings of a mother in love with her children, both in my arms and in the grave. Some of these ponderings are quite emotional, some are funny, others contemplative and spiritual. All are sincere. May these writings bless you in many ways and bring you closer to the one, true God and Redeemer of all things.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Unforced Rhythms of Grace

Have you ever been weary? Are you today? Think you may ever be in the future? Read on…

Today I find myself weary, and have been so for days. Tired seems to be just physical; foggy, well, that seems more mental; but weary seems to encompass mind, body, and soul. And that is what I have been feeling. Certainly the new demands of an ever-changing baby girl contribute to such state.  Trying to keep up on the important relationships adds to it, as well as keeping up on the house, my own exercise routine (did I say routine? I meant random attempts to exercise, routine would be way too wonderful), keep my family fed, having clean clothes available, the errands that don’t seem to end, refiguring the finances...again this month. It all adds up. Somewhere along the way regular life that I generally enjoy becomes laborious. Lay-bore-eee-us.  Arduous. That which is often enjoyable and life-giving (cooking, friendships, preparing for a party) become big deals. Bigger than life deals. I want to go to Caribou, get a drink loaded with sugar and chocolate and stare out a window for two hours and just check out. Check. Out.

Sometimes checking out can be helpful. Sometimes.  Offering us the slowness we need to then figure what is good for our souls. But most times it is not checking-out for which our soul is longing… for which my soul is longing.  Sugar and chocolate do seem to offer a sweet relief from the moment of stress I feel, or the weariness I am experiencing from deep within, but after years of attempting to sooth my soul with such things I know better. And that thing can be different depending on the season of the year, the nature of the weariness, the people around me. My “chocolate” may be blaming my husband unnecessarily for random things, a movie, just not doing what needs to be done around the house. Or most recently, just whining. Just good ol’ fashioned, annoying, whining. I am tired. I forget my place to get un-wearied and so I feel stuck. I don’t literally forget, but I resist with a sort of amnesia as if I have never been refreshed by the presence of the One True God. See, I have. I know how that presence feels. I know when I encounter God, the Reality who created me and knows what I need more than I do, that I find peace. I find the rest I need. 

He demands all of me. Yet somehow He demands less of me than I demand of myself.

Thankfully this morning, my soul remembers that for which it truly longs. I read the words of Jesus, written my Matthew a couple thousand years ago, in The Message translation:

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it. learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." 

So I stop the flurry of doing and I rest. I use my body to stop and thus help my soul follow…not a checking out, but an entering-in. I read Scripture and can’t stop it gives so much life.  I pray and I feel full. And I think I am okay, so I almost move back into more doing but I sense inside, from the God who promises to make His home within me… to rest more. Put on music, lay on the carpet and soak it in.

Stop. Receive. Rest.

I start with this song (not sure why the weird picture here): 

 I lay on the carpet and listen over and over.
I get up to walk away and everything inside says stay. linger. rest.

So I continue on: 

And then:

And I stand up to walk away. But there is more. I allow a weary smile to grow across my face and I enter joy that is there no matter how weary I feel today. And then that joy enters me.

Weary, I still am. Sleep, I still need. But my heart is closer to Home and I move into my day with joy and peace. Knowing the many forms of “chocolate” calling to me are abated and I am at rest within. I can turn from whining or maybe secret pity or even over-achieving because I have something, Someone I turn toward, and He greets me with joy and grace.

Are you weary? 


  1. Thank you so much, Kimberly. This really spoke to me, and blessed me. Thank you.

  2. I have, though some of that has been relieved as of late. You were part of that, and I thank you. Weary or not, you are amazing, and loved.