Labyrinth

(Written during our family retreat vacation)

I just returned from walking the Labyrinth here on the grounds of The Springs. Walking this ancient practice is meant to be a journey, spiritual and physical, to the center…the Cross of Christ. Emptying oneself of ambition and the concerns that fill daily life, one is simply to focus on Christ.  This can be done through meditating on a song, saying the Jesus Prayer, repeating one word or a verse. Whatever works to set one’s mind on Christ alone.

The first time I experienced this was seven years ago during my stay at The Cenacle, which is, sadly, no longer a retreat center.  Upon hearing the word Labyrinth I thought immediately of getting lost, scary movies I should not have seen as a kid, and big stone walls. Given that prejudice I was sufficiently underwhelmed. It is a walking labyrinth that is flush with the ground, leading to a center with a bench, cross, or some sort of icon that is to set our minds on Christ. No stone walls or dragons to be found.

The labyrinth I just walked was similar to that one I encountered several years ago.  However, rolling meadows lined with a tall forest, this labyrinth is snug up against a dense tree line. This beautiful backdrop notwithstanding, I had to venture back a ways through the many buzzing insects that swarm my head like flies on dung. Nothing prepares me for a deeply spiritual time like humid skin baking in hot sun with the cacophony of God’s most annoying invention seeking the rim of my inner ear.  By the time I reached the Labyrinth my hat was off, swatting about, and I am sure I appeared as if I was attempting some age old ritualistic dance of the gods. Let’s just say the bugs got the best of me.

Determined to walk this journey I stood at the threshold breathing deep, preparing myself for the slow amble toward the stone cross. I quickly realized that the bugs were going to be the distraction I was going to have to leave behind…though they would not leave me alone, I had to let them alone. I so wish my challenge had been something different.

But isn’t that our general sentiment when difficulty arrives at our threshold?  A different challenge, Lord, anything but this; this is too much.

I began on the journey, singing “Turn your eyes upon Jesus; Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim; in the light of His glory and grace.”  And old song I remember singing in church years ago. With no one around I sang aloud as I ambled along. Taking inventory of my journey I notice within a growing peace and, before long, realized I had only swatted once at the annoying inventions. I was calming within…singing, walking, nearing…

The shape of the Labyrinth makes it difficult to gauge how far one is from the center. Just about the moment I thought I had a quite a ways yet to go, I stepped around the corner that led directly to the cross.  I was there!  Unaware of the welling anticipation I was aptly surprised by my joy within. I stood there gazing at the knee-high stone cross…somehow towering over me. Not in shame, it is only the shame of those who refuse its Messiah. It towers with humble authority, knowing one day every knee will bow and every tongue confess the Truth of its message. Until that day it stands patient, yet fiercely seeking to extend its grace to those who have yet to confess.  Have you?

Wondering at my ability to lose focus even as I stood before it, I was humbled. I walked around it once, standing behind, beside, before…like Christ does with me now.  Reminding me of His ever-presence.

I marveled at the connections with the spiritual life. Walking between the stones on the path toward the Cross I came closer and further away as I neared the center, it’s simply the layout of a Labyrinth. It reminded me that even in my own spiritual life I feel sometimes nearer and sometimes further from Christ, as the ebb and flow of life goes, yet I am to continue to walk toward Him.  I should pay less mind to where I am, per se, and focus rather on Christ at the center.  Trusting His presence as the strength of my journey.  

Lately I have heard many friends talk of their struggles with guilt concerning prayer and the spiritual journey in general. I understand. But truth be told, this is utter self-focus. Certainly there are times when one needs to discipline themselves, mark a spiritual path to walk along, have an accountability friend, certainly. But there are also times to let go of how or if this or that is working according to what I am feeling and what I feel God may or may not feel about me this particular day in proportion to the strength of my disciplined self. We project our wandering hearts onto Him and receive feelings untrue. This tragedy of the spiritual life is nothing but the works of the Evil One. Lying, once again, as he did in that lush garden so long ago.  

If we held before us the reason we need the Cross in the first place we would not be so shocked at our wandering hearts. Let us not have too lofty a view of our sinful nature that we forget we need Him unending.  God, most certainly of all, is not shocked and remains responsive to repentance with grace sufficient.  When true guilt has been acknowledged, there is no place for shame.

So as I walked toward the Cross, singing to focus my soul, trying hard to not swat at the buzzing around me, I simply kept me heart on Him. Like the lines of the Labyrinth my heart came close and went far. But, you know what? That Cross never moved, and it never shut its gate. The threshold remained open, and still does.  

As with all pilgrimages one must return home to complete the journey. As I turned around to make my way out, I noticed, still, the presence of the Cross.  Its steadiness sent me on my way…for all true spirituality is lived out in daily life.

And as I neared the entrance, now become exit, I felt a bit sad. As I stepped out of the Labyrinth I turned around and saw it all still there, particularly the Cross...knowing its presence would daily be awaiting my surrender.  

I heard a small, soft voice:

Return often

Yes, Lord, I will.

 “Though my heart and flesh may fail, the Lord is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” 

–Psalm 73:26

Space: Cyber, Holy, or Otherwise

Utterly refreshing. Oh, how vacating regular life can offer such a great space for re-creation. This was our first time getting away since Elsa was born into our lives. We were tucked away in some rolling meadows of southern Indiana without cell service, internet, or cable…our kind of vacating! But before you get the idea that we were living primitively we did have a fully equipped cabin, a grill, hot tub, row boat, games, and the a couple of the best mentors we could have ever received into our lives.

We were at The Springs, a retreat center in Oldenburg, IN. If the abovementioned sounds like something you may ever need, personally, as a couple, or as a family, I highly recommend the 4 ½ hour journey from Chicago to this place of ministry. Spiritual direction is available, as well as two horses, a pond stocked with brim and bass, trails, and a walking Labyrinth (more on that in a coming post).  

As is often reported in places such as these, time slows…and eventually so does one’s inner world.  For some that may take hours, and for the higher strung amongst us…maybe a day or two. But the hard work of slowing it worth the stillness it brings. Creating space is something I have mentioned as a theme in other posts, and will likely visit again…this place is just that, a space created by others for you.

The difficult part is not necessarily the driving there or the unpacking or the preparing food for however many days you will stay…but the work of creating space.  This is work indeed. In our world space is a relatively costly commodity.  Purchasing land, whether developed or unadulterated, will cost you thousands if not hundreds of thousands of dollars. Capturing some cyberspace, will cost you as well, though not so dearly.  Filling the space in our homes takes creativity and cash to create the comfort you are looking for, whatever your style may be. Relational space can be cluttered with unspoken expectations, buried hurts, festering offenses.  There are people who can take up a lot of space in our soul (too much real estate, as I recently heard a friend say), maybe people past or present because of the relationship we had/have with them. We often refer to “clearing the air” when it comes to relational space…and depending on the pollutant level of said air this can cost us dearly in the form of trips to the therapist.  I am sure there are many other spaces I could come up with if I sat here for a while, but the most important space is the inner space…the space of the soul.

Though this may be a space less discussed in our world today, make no mistake that every marketer out there is well aware of the space in your soul…and they want some real estate. Billboards, commercials, magazines, internet ads…all things that take space in our soul without any consent from us. Without any consent. That is slightly frightening to me. Perhaps we don’t spend enough time considering the sheer amount of information that is constantly placed in front of us, and thus within us without our permission. They pay dearly for the dissemination of this information because they know they get real estate, whether we like it or not.

Now, not all marketing is evil, and not all for ill. Certainly some of the purchases I have made are because of marketing of one sort or another. But the important question is who gets all this real estate in my soul? Right now…this moment…  I am not asking who owns this space, I do. God-given and I have freedom to do with it what I will. What I am asking is who is building their empire on it? And how is that affecting my life is uncountable ways? These are good things to consider.

When it comes to the space of my soul I need to be the gatekeeper. But, you know, sometimes I am wearied and the gates just hangs open because I am too darn tired to either shut it or open it intentionally. Not just because I have a baby but because life can just get that way for any of us. Life just has its way of cluttering our souls. To seek a place where the clutter is removed is a great way to refresh this space. Creating space generally means getting rid of something. If you are going to create space in the kitchen to cook you have to move stuff off the countertops. Same for a workbench or the back seat of your car. But looking at that empty space can often cause a bit of a tremble inside. We become so used to it being filled it can be scary to create space without intention to fill it back up. But that is one call of the spiritual life…to create space. God can do the most amazing things within space. Remember Genesis?

We need not fear His creative power. He works good for us and in us. Maybe creating space means clearing room in the schedule. Maybe leaving the television off and allowing for awkward personal or relational space to shape into something new. Maybe it means creating that scary space for a relationship to heal. Maybe taking down some pictures and leaving some space in your imagination for something better. Or creating space in your home for guests.  For some, it means creating space in your stomach…filling it a bit less than usual, allowing the space to be filled with spiritual food.  It could mean sitting in front of a blank canvas again, or a blank page and filling the space creatively like you have not done in a while.  Maybe creating an empty space for yourself at a retreat center miles away from everything. The ways creating space only end with the creativity of God.

The quality of our lives depends on creating this space. As author Ann Voskamp posted a couple months ago on her blog “Who can expect to make sense of a loud world when they haven’t made quiet space for God?” And in directly considering internet use she writes “When one consistently chooses cyberspace over holy space – life becomes a hollow place.”  I can relate to both these statements.

The relieving thing is that we don’t have to worry about filling the space, or what will come once we create it. We simply obey by creating it. We are not the ones in charge of transforming that space in our souls. If we offer it in faith, we can fully trust God to do what He will. If you have never done something like this I highly recommend it. If you have and are thinking, oh, yes, I know God works like this…do it again. Try something new. Watch God’s creative power within you do more than you could ever imagine. And feel zero pressure to make it happen. Your work is to create space, however awkward or difficult or refreshing. Then let it be and see what comes.

This is exactly what this vacating regular life was for us as a family. We created some space away from lots of distractions.  And, as could be expected, the first day was full of relational discussions…how we were feeling about this or that. Hurts that we had not had time (…or space) to share. More emotion than would probably arise had we chosen to vacation with lots of noise and distractions. But we greeted it hospitably and worked through it. What may initially come out of space may not be beautiful, but if we are faithful to pay attention to it, offering it gently to God and be willing to lean into it, we can eventually expect the cleansing of that space. We must remember that what resides within the soul can be sheepish, and if we speak too brashly to each other’s space it will retreat until further notice (cluttering, yet again, our relational space and our soul space). So we created hospitality of soul in our space which led to some beautiful conversations and deep, fulfilling times of connection.  We played games, took walks, took pictures, made our baby giggle, prayed, read…all true re-creation…without all the expense and exhaustion of what some deem recreation.

I am so thankful for a place like The Springs, and I highly encourage you to check it out! Tomorrow I will be posting about my experience in the Labyrinth. 

  

  

  

Mutuality

Yes, I am supposed to be in the shower and packing up! Jeff literally just told me to get going as I typed that sentence J But! I wanted to post a link to the blog series my friend recommended on women in the home, church, and society. This is a rather important issue across cultures and times. I encourage you to read through this list and let it sharpen your mind whether you agree or disagree.  Feel free to leave a comment here on my blog, I would love to know what you think! For real, leave a comment. There are over 500 hundred hits a month on this blog but rarely a comment…I would love to hear from you J

http://rachelheldevans.com/mutuality-2012-posts

Vacation

The only things between me and our very first family-of-three vacation is a load of dental work this afternoon...and lots of packing.  Six days in southern Indiana J  I will be completely unplugging for the duration, but when I return I hope to have fresh postings borne of rest and beautiful rolling hills. Life has been good yet full these early days of summer. Here are some updates of Elsa to hold you all over ;-)  She turned 6 months yesterday…wow. Half way to one year…the ol’ saying rings true…it goes by so fast. 

             

Mommy clipped the nail too close...actually, she missed the nail entirely and only clipped the skin...ugh...

Daddy does "the crane"

My first go at grain-free cookies...they were very good! Did I mention  I have been grain-free for a bit? We think the problems may be an all out corn allergy...good but corn. is. in. everything!

In the bed

Playing on the floor, trying to get her to crawl...but she only goes backwards...?

"Get me out of this time warp" (she crossed her legs and put her arm up all on her own)

In the highchair for the first time (daddy's belt holding me in)

A solid adventure

I love avocado...and you  <3 Elsa