You are He

I was reading Psalm 71 the other morning before work and was caught off guard. I wanted to read the entire thing but when I got to verse six I couldn’t budge…I kept reading it over and over:

“Upon you I have leaned from before my birth;
   you are he who took me from my mother’s womb.
My praise is continually of you.”

I know this prayer was written thousands of years before me and Jonan, and clearly this person lived through their birth to write such prayers, but it still stopped me that morning. There is a profound timelessness about Scripture when studied properly. And though I didn’t study this in depth, taking it at face value reading it over and over, it still proved timeless:

“Upon you I have leaned from before my birth;
   you are He who took me from my mother’s womb.
My praise is continually of you.”

For me, that morning, it was as if Jonan wrote that Psalm himself. “Upon you I have leaned from before my birth.”  I remembered all the mornings I was still carrying him when I would read the Psalms to him, and the hunger I had for worship while I carried him. It was so deep. And, as a dear friend reminded me, it was as if Jonan was the one giving me these cravings. Just like I craved orange juice because I needed vitamin C, so I craved worship and God because Jonan desired His presence. As I have oft written, these are mysteries, I know. But they still are.

Continuing on in the verse is the part that hooked me like a baited fish… “you are He who took me from my mother’s womb.”  Strictly speaking, the writer was likely referring to the day of his own birth. But generally speaking, God did take Jonan from his mother’s womb. He took Jonan straight into His arms. It was not that I had never considered this before that is struck me, but the strength it conveys. There are those who, inappropriately, take children from their mother’s womb. But this is different. This verse conveys a strength, a timing, and beauty to the taking. A taking by One who’s wisdom transcends my own. Who’s power brings me fear and comfort. Who’s timing I can ultimately trust. And who’s beauty I have yet seen.  “you are He who took me from my mother’s womb.”  You are He.

Then this little-known verse concludes “My praise is continually of You.”  And isn’t that the truth? Among the many unknown things Jonan is doing right now, the one I am certain of is praise. Praising He who took Him.  And what a great thing that is as I get to join with Jonan and the angels each time I praise that One.

So as I walked along the road today to this coffee shop I am sitting in I felt the breeze and saw all the people enjoying the glorious weather….I thought of Jonan.  He will not know a beautiful day as this one. He will not be here to play with the puppies. Or taste the ice cream.  And, oh, how much I wanted to show him the trains that zoom by countless times each day just feet from our house. In all honesty, the days are getting easier; acceptance (along the stages of grief) is finding rest in the Pelletier Home. But each new season brings new things for me to miss and dreams to allow into the grave. And as I wish this verse made it all go away, it doesn’t.  But what I do have is He who took Jonan. And He who took him, well, then…He must have Him. And in there is peace, trust, and a strange sort of beauty.

You, Lord…You are He. 

Rest

Hello, my life has been full (my happier word for “busy) since we got home from California. I miss my blog, I miss writing, but I am just so darn busy…..excuse me… “full”, and without space to create. But I figuring out how to change that. In fact, I wanted to put a quote I found from Alicia Britt Chole for the blog today. This is really good. Really, really good:

In our culture we view rest as a reward for faithfulness. We plan on resting after the project is complete, after we get that promotion, after that busy season, after we retire, or after...we die?!

However, as I study rest in the bible, it seems that more than a reward for faithfulness, rest is a prerequisite for fruitfulness.

Now some may challenge that and say, "But, in the Creation account, God worked for six days and then rested on the seventh."

True.

But what was God doing before Day One?

Thoughts on Jesus' Journey

So one thing I did on my retreat was to “walk around” inside some Scriptures of Jesus on his way to Jerusalem the week before He would be murdered by the ones He loved most. A fitting exercise for this season of Lent. On recommendation from a mentor of mine I walked around Luke 18:15-17: 

" Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to him, saying,  "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.^” Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it."

By walking around it mean something like reading it very slowly. Picturing what it may have been like for each of these people in that culture, time in history, part of the world.  There is a crowd gathered around Jesus, usual for him, people generally couldn’t get enough (his teaching, his transformational conversations, his healing, his grace).  Here Jesus reveals his affection for children. Deep affection. He scolds those who hold them back from him. Like…”Here is this important guy, a Rabbi, someone many people want to meet and see…Can you not bring the kids along and try to get close, please? He has much more important things to do, folks. More important people to talk with. Back away.” Yet, Jesus, in his usual manner of confusing the disciples, rebukes them and says, in effect…”Hey guys, let them come to me. All that I am doing here, it belongs to them, too. In fact, not only does my Kingdom belong to these ones that you want desperately to keep away from me because apparently they are not important enough, but you actually need to become more like them in order to receive my Kingdom.”

This interaction has a poetic-ness to it, but I ask myself…how does a child receive the Kingdom of God? (important note: big different between being childlike and childish, I believe this is a call to childlikeness, not childishness).  Well, for any of us who have spent any time at all with children we certainly know they are not innocent. They would love to take that cookie when you are not looking, among their first words is usually “mine!”, and the list goes on. If it is not innocence...what is it? They more easily give and easily receive. Emotionally and otherwise. It is difficult not to feel loved by a child. And, even the more awkward of souls can give love to a child. There is something more open in their hearts that becomes more beautiful the older I get. They are also much more simply themselves. Unless by unfortunately strong influence, children are themselves more naturally. They do not  need personality and interest tests to tell them who they are. They know, and freely act like it. It is not until this begins to grow out of them as they “mature” that they often lose this freedom in order to conform to some standards of approval. Children love to learn, every opportunity is chance to play and learn something new, and this is natural for them. They are unashamed of dependence, unlike us strong and wise adults who can take care of everything ourselves. Thank you very much. And they are often more joyful.  Innocence is not what Jesus is talking about here. But there are so many other beautiful characteristics that we can seek. And I noticed that Jesus said we must receive the Kingdom like a child. Not that we should seek it like a child, or love it like a child, or understand it like a child, but receive it like a child. So back to my first example, children more easily give and receive. “So, my dear disciples who are trying to keep these little ones away from me, let them come, and learn something beautiful from them. I have much to give, receive it like they do.”

Is my heart open to receiving today? Do I come to God with my answers and plans or am I receiving from Him? When these children came to him, you know what he did, he likely put his hand on them and blessed them. He touched them, maybe gave them a little kiss on the forehead. He blessed them.

Another thing I saw when I walked around in that crowd was that Jesus did not have children of his own. He would never, in fact, have his own biological children. True, he forewent many possessions to gain this Kingdom, so he would not have had a monetary inheritance to pass along, but children were still a legacy, for the men especially in that culture. I had always just thought of Jesus has a single man living his life automatically in the calling he was given by the Father. But as I see Jesus struggling in other parts of Scripture, that he was tempted in every way, it does not seem far-fetched to consider that he loved children and maybe wanted some of his own, but knew his calling on earth was to forego that desire in order to fulfill the will of God.  This was something he likely had to offer to the Father at different times on his journey. And, in having to lay down this desire, he did not shy away from children but welcomed them close to him always. And interestingly, in this instance in Luke 18, Jesus is on his way to Jerusalem, on his way to Palm Sunday, on his way to the Cross…the reason he had to lay himself and his desires down through his whole life. And now, we all can have the inheritance of the Kingdom because his decisions.